Why was it band 9?

Flow chart essay : The chart below shows the process of waste paper recycling.

The flow chart shows how waste paper is recycled. It is clear that there are six distinct stages in this process, from the initial collection of waste paper to the eventual production of usable paper.

At the first stage in the paper recycling process, waste paper is collected either from paper banks, where members of the public leave their used paper, or directly from businesses. This paper is then sorted by hand and separated according to its grade, with any paper that is not suitable for recycling being removed. Next, the graded paper is transported to a paper mill.

Stages four and five of the process both involve cleaning. The paper is cleaned and pulped, and foreign objects such as staples are taken out. Following this, all remnants of ink and glue are removed from the paper at the de-inking stage. Finally, the pulp can be processed in a paper making machine, which makes the end product: usable paper.
(160 words, band 9)

Vocabulary

·    there are six distinct stages

·    from the initial collection... to the eventual production

·    members of the public

·    directly from businesses

·    separated according to its grade

·    Stages four and five both involve cleaning

·    foreign objects are taken out

·    remnants of ink and glue

·    the end product

Grammar

·    six distinct stages, from... to... (good use of 'from-to' after comma)

·    where members of the public... (inclusion of extra information between commas)

·    This paper (use of 'this' to refer back to an idea in the previous sentence)

·    with any paper... being (use of with + ing to add extra information)

·    cleaned, pulped, taken out, removed (use of passive verb forms instead of nouns shown on the diagram)

·    which makes the end product (use of relative pronoun 'which' to connect ideas)

Note: The best way to get a high grammar score is to reduce the number of mistakes that you make, not to use 'difficult' structures.